…another piece:another sleepless night…

How to heal myself?
to replenish the energy I lost
that the heart is fully shurken to its cell and veins are now spiralling out
like illussion of shades and darks.

Really ‘on my last leg, consumed by the pain Excruciating! yet almost numb.
So torturing, my havoc of thoughts engendered unabating hunger and thirst.

Can I still revivify this life? Again, Now, and for Aye!
For I cannot flee from the past, nor can I walk an inch forward.
I must now neglect all toxicity,
thy immaturity,
And unlearn the trauma that thoust had foisted me.

A heart cannot walk away, won’t choose to at least
Yet this mind needs its peace
to recover my wholeness, now or just never .

The memories are so vivid
To my head.
I was not riding a rollercoster-it is me.
Destined to go up
And down.
To win and loss.
To fight and fail.

But i must say- I was broken, not anymore!

…Glean the rustles from the wind…

I am invoking for the wind once more.
My companion during the cold nights.
that I am now again writing myself-my stories in a poem…

Felt suffocated…. felt a lot more of the pain…still feeling a little less….
but my hands are fully free.
Even struggling to make a stroke…
Letters are wobbling,
Yet my words are clear…

Unlike my days, when they have had incessantly turned into atrocious nothing…
and nights were spent,
written into emotional collapse, freakin’ breakdowns!

Ohhhh!!!!!

May you hear the whisper of the wind.
About what thoust forgotten…
May it not turn into a murmur…
Should thoust not ignored my agony…
May the wind so gentle…
Attuned to your soul
May the wind tell!
For a broken heart can speak no more!

Another random piece.

• Untitled *

The clouds are over me now.
‘tried to flee, but it rained.
Everything is fragile, and it all melted as it starts to pour.

Each step won’t make me go farther
My flesh dissolved quickly as the the rain drops flow through my body,
leaving a heart fully distorted, shrunk, not pumping at all.

Remember????

When you promised me a shelter,
but you are no longer my refuge.
you just “stormed” me
Even tho your name says you’ll “SATE”
my desire to be loved

Money will not impress your partner! Or else the bond is frauded.
Especially when he or she is creating the life of a dream. When He or she is goal driven and focused.

I am telling you HE/ SHE knows HIS/HER worth.

THAT IS WHY, IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE LOVING A PERSON. If you are failing to read and speak the love language they have [and vice versa] , the “love” you are saying shall not reach the HEART.

No roads, neither planes, no more travels, no internet connection, no more series and dramas, no phones, no trades, not a thing but ourselves, and only ourselves alone.

Sounds like fun right? Perhaps!

There is none neither of any of the systems in the world that can exist so perfectly. Where good arises, always, there will be badly to be found. In the case of globalization, where its significance to the world has been a long time debated topic, I have already filled my previously unconscious mind with realizations that it is truly essential for us humans, especially to us FILIPINOS.

Many of our youths die young due to poverty, and the government, despite all programs that were supposed to assess its people and help them to find a job, a stable source of income, can no longer cater surge of unemployment in the country.

Thankfully we were able to build allies with many countries. They are very welcoming to the Filipinos who seek for jobs and opportunities that will help them feed stomachs left empty; kids that are hopeful that hunger will be no more to endure, and their minds will be filled in school.

Not only it is true and helpful for OFW’s, but also applicable to us who wants to travel, to study in the world’s most popular Schools and Universities, take snaps and photographs of the many faces and phases of the world. Distance between coasts is sewed with an agreement, leagues apart yet unified in goal. Now, despite of differences in colors, beliefs, and comprehensions of the many views and circumstances in the world, diversity is not a thing to cease the growth of the sprout of relationships between foreign friends.

We are all products of globalization, and how can someone defy something which he or she is dependent with?

…….May the wind……..

That it’s now the longingness

Which embraces me, so tight

And that only the breeze

Touches my lips at night…..

Yet, as farther you go,

the deeper it gets

The distance between us two ,

it pulls me, forcefully towards you

May the wind whisper to you

as it goes far beyond…

Lend thy ears, and close your eyes,

as it gets closer, it’ll warmth.

You’re no near, to be in my sight

But your face, is all that I see

Each night I close my eyes.

Shall I get myself blind, asleep?

You are no near, you’re not beside me

But the scent of the past.

so strong,that it engulfed me

It flashes back, all of you, and of our memories.

You are no near, I know…

But the taste of you, is so dear,

It satisfies my tounge, my lips

Everything is sweet, even if the world is bitter, and sour.

Oh,May the wind hold you,

That you won’t go farther, nor will you be gone

May the wind binds us ,

Perhaps not as one; TOGETHER.

Was Friday night, walking home alone, hands inside my pockets, and hoodie's on
Was wearing  pants ,not letting me reveal any tone of my skin
Now I can feel exhaustion, as I sense the pain in my shin.

Yes, a pain that aches ,as a broken bone and so as a flesh that has been torn.
Now that happiness, the joy, all adjourned!
 All that was left with me is a sore-reddish skin.
 'needing someone to give me a lift, but no one was in the scene.

I need you the most, but it seems you reside a new home. 
I have the gold, but the time I had was just for my own. 
now that I just hope our distance may soon diverge. Coz'
I don't want the loneliness of my heart to be fully submerged.

Been having some luxury of time.

Just enough to ask myself, have I grown up?

Well… looking at the mirror, seeing the same face, the curly hair, and this pair of eyes, just an inch taller from my last year, and somewhat heavier I think….

I grew up, I did…

As a kid…

I used to see the world as kind and awesome as I thought.

I used to enjoy my life which people might have thought to be that hard.

Having such a blurry eye sight…..

But at least it helped me not be bothered in the dark.

But times also occured when…

I fell, I bled, then I cried… again

I FELL, I BLED, and …….I cried….

These are things people used to refer for those of weak kinds.

But for me , they are just VERB. Just acted in the way a normal person would do. At least I did not fly!

As a teen…

My blank space has turned to a wall of paintings

Every strokes I made, every touch of colors was to satisfy the self, my eyes, my ego and my mind…

Life was an art…CREATED, CONTROLLED…. EVERY SPACE WAS

CONSUMED.

Transitioning to my early 20’s

Life was f*ucked up!

All my brushes broke, no walls to paint, not having a pinch of colors to fill up my dark phases.

Life was an art tho, STILL,

but no longer I am the artist, no longer I created my path, not even can I afford to do each strokes myself.

My life was consumed…but for the time with agony, battling to at least survive each night, which had tortured my mind…

Today, that I managed to write these things, to tell a story of a man who loves art….

Many thanks for an ounce of courage I still have , which I got from those moments I spent in the dark…

space where I can see nothing.

But a place to hear myself, to feel it, most is to understand…

I grew up, one year older,

with tons of thoughts.

Heavier breath I take,

having much of decisions to make…Big time…

Should I buy new brushes? Paints?

Or a pencil to draw a lighter face?

Indeed acceptance is very substantial way and key through building confidence and learning appreciation of oneself!

I used to compare myself and had gone with so much of insecurities looking at my flaws and impurities. Not untill some people had taught me one thing. Physical attributes, achievements and one’s abilities does not significantly dignify one’s worth, but it is him who can only prove his value by doing things that are considerably good and responsible.

If one could learn to adapt and apply this concept of thinking it would be also much easier to co-exist with people around him while also nurturing his capacity of understanding the self, all the more is to progressions and total actualization.